Week 10 (Final Week)- End of Life

Preparation for Death

        So much about death is intriguing to think about, but can also be a little nerve-wracking.  For the past several months, I have been contemplating on creating a living will. I have yet to start the first sentence.  I still cannot decide on whether or not I would rather be buried or cremated.  All I know is I want to be remembered years to come. I know it may seem silly, but I want what I do on this Earth to make a difference in the world, for others, and in a positive way.  

            Having a medical durable power of attorney, a legal document that appoints a healthcare agent to carry out your end-of-life wishes, is probably a good thing to have.  Maybe I should start there.  I don't think it's important for me right now to choose how I want to be made obsolete, but rather what I would like to happen if I am ill enough to not speak for myself.  At this moment, I would choose my husband.  I put absolute trust in him knowing what I would want. He is very much like me, and is one of the most level-headed people Ive ever met that understands death more than most.  

New cells, old cells

Week 9-Late Life

New cells, old cells

        The many biological theories of aging got me thinking of how our bodies age.  We start out as a bundle of joy with all new, healthy cells.  As we get older, those new cells become old cells, slough off or die out, and produce new ones to accommodate to many changing influences.

            The wear-and-tear theory suggests that as we age, we become less fluid in our movements, and much like a machine, we wear out.  This reminds me of a saying I've heard, "It's not the age; It's the mileage," (that makes us feel the way we do).  

            There is also the free radical cell theory--chemicals produced randomly during cell regeneration can cause malfunctions within a cell and impair its function.  I've always thought the term "free radicals" referred to environmental toxins and chemicals that are introduced into the body.  Perhaps, it does refer to that in a way, but it wasn't clear to me in the text.  

            Then, there is the idea of pre-programmed cell death; this theory suggests that our cells are genetically pre-engineered to self-destruct.  I am not entirely sure about this theory--I think it's reaching too far for the "un-explainable."  Overall, there is an agreement between all scientists, and is obvious to everyone: As we get older, our physical abilities, healing capabilities and mental focus deteriorates.  

            There are many factors that may influence how fast, or how "well", we age: sleep, nutrition, exercise, etc.  Sleep, in my opinion, points a big finger in the direction of the poorly aging.  It is said that our bodies heal the most, and cells regenerate, while we are sleeping (or while our bodies are at rest).  Older adults have more difficulty sleeping than young adults (Ancoli-Israel & Alessi, 2005).  Apparently, it takes older adults twice as long to fall asleep, they sleep less through the night, and feel more negative effects the next day.  Disrupting one's circadian rhythm (or sleep-wake cycle) can cause problems in focusing attention and memory.

            I would love to know further on the deeper effects sleep deprivation has on teenagers, and late adults, and how it compares to the average life expectancy.  I am also very interested in the probability that the more someone who believes as certain aspect of their health is poor, the more likely they are to manifest it; further discussing the power of the mind.

Making Marriage Work--Is Separating the Answer?

Week 8-"Special Topic Paper" (posted for public viewing)

Making Marriage Work

                It starts with “butterflies in your tummy,” giddiness and wanting closeness at the beginning of just about every relationship that is mutually felt between two people.  Before children are ever involved in the picture, it’s all about the couple—not much else can dictate the couples’ plans they have together.  We all feel like the feeling of comfort and love will never sway in the years to come…

                I have never met a person who was ever thoroughly explained to what a marriage is really all about; the responsibilities, the sexuality, the conflicts that may arise and the clash of individualities.  Is this because many of our adult, married role-models didn’t know how to survive a marriage well either? 

                Over the centuries, marriage has changed and involved in so many ways.  Generally, the definition of marriage tends to stay consistent and is seen as a mutual or contractual agreement between two (or more) parties that entails interpersonal relationships, and intimacy.  In today’s society, people get married for many reasons: emotional, legal/business reasons, religious, etc.  Still, many people get married for the “wrong reasons.”  Centuries ago, many marriages were arranged between two families and were based off of skills and success each of the families had to offer.  It didn’t matter if the ones to be married were attracted to each other, because it was in the “best interest of the family.”  Many people, even to this day, get married “for the children”; they have adopted the mind-frame that children need both a mother and father figure, whether or not that mother and father get along well.  Are we still carrying some of the old-fashioned thought processes into our new marriages?  According to an observation made from years of practice, Betty B. Paul, ACSW, states, “If bitterly hostile spouses are remaining together ‘for the sake of the children’, I caution them that growing up in a home characterized by chronic acrimony and alienation is psychologically more damaging to children than the trauma of divorce.”  As adults, we lead by example, and our children will follow in our footsteps.

                According to a 2009 study, 46% of marriages in the United States end in divorce (Divorce Census Bureau), and 45% in Europe.  Why is it so difficult to keep a marriage together?  There are many forces that influence a divide between couples, but it seems to be that self-realization is becoming more and more apparent during our current “Age of Enlightenment.”  A cultural movement began in the 17^th-18^th centuries that encouraged reason and individualism, rather than tradition.  Individualism started to make a big appearance in the 19^th century during individual-rights movements.  Someone somewhere, while following along as another cog in a wheel, stopped to think, “Wait!  This doesn’t feel right.  What about what I want?”

                Personal growth is now often the reason for divorcing; people do not seem to agree on many things in life and it causes a divide.  This is due mostly to the fact that we all have different biopsychosocial framework that has shaped us into who we are—from birth to death, we are constantly learning and adapting to the dance of life, and this continuously shapes our thought processes.  This is what is so special about being a human being.  We have such complex minds, and no two people will think exactly alike.

                So, how are we supposed to successful adapt to another’s way of thinking and living, “until death do us part?”  Psychologists seem to agree that there is a trend consistent with the “Seven Year Itch.”  The risk of separation and divorce are very low during the first months of marriage, tensions tend to raise, hit rock-bottom during the 7^th year of marriage, and result in an elevated risk of marital separation or divorce (Schoen 1975; Thornton & Rodgers 198; Andersson 1995).  “Those couples that survive the seven year itch adapt to each other and accept their partners as they are,” (Hill Kulu, School of Environmental Studies, ­The Seven Year Itch or Life Long Itch?). 

                Dr. Liberty Kovacs, Ph.D., developed a system to chart the martial relationship as it progresses.  The marriage experience seems to progress in 6 stages, and almost always comes close to an un-doing, while continually trying to accommodate two people who are evolving as individuals.  The first phase, also known as the “Mooning and Spooning Phase,” entails the beginning of the relationship; the partners see each other as perfect and can relate in many identical ways.  The second phase involves the experiences of individual change as disappointment, anxiety and self-doubt—“What’s wrong with me?”  Through the next 3 phases, the partners’ interests seem to split and develop independently, and they have a harder time trying to accommodate their earlier efforts.  “Typically, each try to control the other; it is a classic power struggle with all the accusation they can muster,” says Kovacs.  During the fourth phase, generally around the “seven year-itch”, one of the partners may be feeling the urge to run from the relationship.  Dr. Kovacs feels that a separation at this point is good, but only if both the partners see it as a time to “figure out who I am and what I want.”  Once the couple survives the earlier struggles, they enter phase five: “The promised land of reaching towards intimacy.”  Each of the partners now has a full identity to share.  Finally, in phase six, the couple now realizes they can separate and reconnect without losing that identity.

                Dr. Kovacs is not the only psychologist who firmly believes that marriage is essential for growth and individualization. Dr. Norman Paul and Betty B. Paul, ACSW, both believe that marriage counseling is an important tool to make each spouse an expert in his/herself.  They also agree that an even greater tool, when struggling through the fourth phase of marriage, is a process called “creative separation.”

                There are two general types of separation: It is either a prelude to preparation for a divorce, or it is a means of developing self-knowledge and self-reliance of each partner and is designed to ultimately improve their relationship.  Creative separation is used to assist each partner in gaining self-knowledge and self-reliance; teaching the spouses to think for themselves.  It is thought to be “beneficial for the troubled couple who don’t have lives independent of one another,” (Deciding When Separation is Best, 1983).  This type of separation is not anything new.  In fact, before 1987, in the country of Finland, the partners who had considered divorce had to first live separately one year before their application for divorce was approved.  This was done in hopes that the couple would have time “for themselves” to reflect on what is important to them.

                Now that we are able to view marriage as a process that unfolds in stages, this information aides psychologists in helping the couple become a more successful team, and can also provide some relief for the strife they are experiencing as different individuals trying to work toward a common goal.  It can also give them hope, and an agenda for working out their problems.  In a study of 20 marriages lasting 25 or more years, the couples that were most satisfied with their relationships attributed their longevity to joint problem-solving abilities (The Reinvention of Marriage).  They also praised having fun together (and treasuring it), expressing affection and the communication of loving attitudes.

                It has been proven with physiological measurements of the human body taken during marital conflicts and interaction by Dr. John Gottman, Ph.D., professor of psychology at the University of Washington in Seattle, that men and women handle conflict in radically different ways.  Men tend to flee, whereas women tend to want to stay and fight.  “Men feel pain differently,” says Gottman.  They get more physiologically aroused—their pulse increases, they sweat more, and they even move more during these conflicts, or even anticipating them!  According to Gottman, “Marital conflict by itself is not destructive for marriage if it also includes positive effects such as humor, positive problem-solving, agreement, assent, empathy and active non-defensive listening.”  Few people really know how to truly listen.  Think about it for a moment: “When you hurry someone along, interrupt someone, or finish his or her sentence, you have to keep track not only of your own thoughts but those of the person you are interrupting as well.  This tendency encourages both parties to speed up their speech and thinking.  This, also, in turn makes both people nervous, irritable and annoyed… How can you really listen to what someone is saying when you are speaking for that person?” (Dr. Richard Carlson, Ph.D., Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff… and it’s all small stuff).

                Conflict resolution is a must-have when it comes to partnering.  Good styles of joint problem-solving can be learned (the earlier the better).  Now that psychologists are able to pinpoint where people fail in relationships, we can avoid divorce.  This type of education should be made available in the high school years, when teenagers become more and more serious in their relationships.  One doctor (Dr. Howard Markman, University of Denver, Center for Marital & Family Studies) and his team of colleagues developed a program called PREP (Premarital Relationship Enhancement Program).  This program is aimed at teaching problem-solving skills to soon-to-be-married couples.  Together with knowing, and understanding, the 6 phases of marriage and the PREP education being made readily available to adolescents, we can dramatically reduce the percentage of world-wide marital divorce.

References:

Split Decisions, Newsweek. 23 Jul. 2007: 10. eLibrary. Web. 09 Feb. 2014.

The Reinvention of Marriage, Hara Estroff Marano. Psychology Today.  Jan-Feb 1992 v25 n1 p48(7).

The Seven Year Itch or a Life Long Itch? Hill Kulu, http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/24493065 (Study Results Pending)

Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff…and it’s all small stuff, Richard Carlson, Ph.D.

Human Development; A Life-Span View; fifth edition, Kail & Cavanaugh

Deciding When Separation is Best (1983)

The Wedges of Responsibility

Week 8 - Work, Leisure and Midlife

The Wedges of Responsibility

        This week is a perfect prelude to my upcoming "special topic" essay on "Making Marriage Work."  The work that most caught my attention this module was the article Is There Love After Baby?  The article points out the many precautions of parenthood that are told in our society: "It's hard to keep your marriage alive after having a child."  "Child abuse is more apparent in the postpartum stages of depression."

        It almost seems as if these warnings are meant to scare people from having children.  Do we know about these warnings ahead of time and manifest these negative effects?  Or, is the problem that we have no idea what we are getting into before we get married or decide to live with a partner?

       According to recent studies, 40% of children in the United States born to a 2-parent family can expect to live with 1 parent by the time they are 18 years old.  To me, this is a very sad result, and I think it can be prevented by educating young adults on what having a family and marriage really entails.

       Seven years into my marriage, I actually have the opportunity to take a step back and look at my family life objectively--the family I helped create.  While I love my children deeply and unconditionally, I once felt even more love for my husband before we became a family unit.  That was when we didn't have the dividing wedges of responsibility--suddenly, it wasn't about "just us" anymore.  We have a huge responsibility of teaching (4) little humans to become acceptable, happy and successful people; furthermore, we had the burden of financial debts, dividing household chores, and friend/family/work drama on top of a huge responsibility of feeding, nurturing and teaching children that would constantly crowd our minds.

        It is now no surprise as to why my relationship with my husband deteriorated--we had no more energy for each other!  Sure, I heard the warnings of being a parent, but not so much about what it meant to be a partner or a wife.  I look forward to discussing more about this topic in my essay...

Uncharacteristic behavior of teens... Or is it, characteristic?

Week 6-Puberty and Behavior of Adolescents

Uncharacteristic behavior of teens... Or is it, characteristic?

        Many times I have heard parents say, "This is so uncharacteristic of him!"  When trying to explain the rude and snippy behavior of their teenage child to their parental peers.  "One day, he is offering to help and is kind, and the next he wants nothing to do with me!"

        Though, is this really that "uncharacteristic"?  Until recently, neuroscientists believed that the human brain was done developing by the time a child reached puberty.  Thanks to modern-day technology, scientists have discovered the adolescent brain is far from completing maturity, and may not even be complete until they have reached their early 20's.  

        Well, it's obvious to all teachers and counselors of adolescent children, that these children are not done "learning," yet.  "The brain is a work in progress," says Sandra Witleston, a neuroscientist at McMaster University in Ontario.  One of the last processes of the brain to be completed is the area that is in charge of making sound decisions and calming emotions (the prefrontal cortex).  At about the age of 12, a process called "pruning" takes place in the brain.  This is when the brain lets certain synapses "die off", and nourish the ones that are useful.  This also plays a role in being able to think more efficiently.

        It's no surprise to me with all the constant changes our bodies are going through as we grow into adulthood, that our emotions are inconsistant--we are "downloading" so much information daily and weeding through what is necessary to move on, just as computers do.  Even computers tend to "freeze up" and have to reboot.  So, I think it's only human to have emotional malfunctions.  

        This area of study has me wanting to further explore how the brains of those with learning disabilities and mental retardation lose their process of elimination and growth--where did things go wrong in development?  What processes were skipped?

Monkey-See Violence, Monkey-Do Violence

Week 5-Middle Childhood Development, Expanding Social Horizons

Monkey-See Violence, Monkey-Do Violence

        "Children's cartoons typically have on violent (physical force use against another person) act every three minutes.  The average North American youngster will see several thousand murders on TV before reaching adolescence (Waters, 1993)."  How do these two statements make you feel?  

        I have very mixed feelings about this topic.  On the one hand, I do feel it is very important to limit horror and violence to young children who are not ready to process what it actually means.  Though, on the other hand, a lot of what children see on the television actually happens in real life.  Are we supposed to shelter our children so much so that they later have an unrealistic expectation of the world?  If that is the case, then as soon as these children become adults and are on their own, they will have one big surprise coming to them (and not a good one).  

        Based on a study done by Huesmann & Miller in 1994, 8-year-old children who were exposed to extensive amounts of TV violence had the most extensive criminal records as 30-year-olds.  This was found with both male and female, though higher for the boys than the girls.  TV was originally created to be a "window of the world," but has turned into a monster full of nightmares and brain washing (my opinion) polluting peoples' minds--especially young children.  

        How do we draw the line between what is logically to show children, and what is not?  The rating system for television was created as a tool to guide parents as to what is "age appropriate."  Though, I think it's being ignored way too much.  "G" is rated as "Guidance" and is generally good for all ages.  "PG" is rated as "Parental Guidance," but even some PG movies have bullying portrayed in them, fighting or even death.  The death may not be bloody in the PG film, but it's obvious what happened to the deceased.  When "PG" was first announced by the rating system, they had suggested these are the types of movies that parents should sit-in on with their children and be available for explanation or further guidance.  Though, nowadays, many parents sit their children in front of a television to be occupied and turn on any cartoon or show available, not really knowing what is being taught.  TV is being used more as a convenience than a tool anymore.  

        When my son was 2 and 3 years old, he watched a lot of Thomas and Friends shows.  I liked it, because it taught a lot about friendship and responsibility.  Though, as I became a more busy parent, and did not have time to occupy my son, he soon started to mingle with his siblings and watch Star Wars.  It was not until 2 years later, after he had been battling a very aggressive stage, that I realized where he learned all of these angry habits.  He felt connected to the character, Anakin, so much so that he developed a depressed, bitter feeling towards people when they made him angry; his expressions became just like Anakin's when he was "turning to the dark side".  The first time I saw this resemblance in expression, I thought, "Oh my God!  What did I do?!"

Multiple Intelligences at 10% Capacity

Week 4-Chapter 6, Cognitive Development

Multiple Intelligences at 10% Capacity

        In the previous chapters, we have learned about the potential for maturity and our ability to adapt behavior.  How does this tie into a potential for intelligence?  It was previously found by Urie Brofenbrenner that we are all born with the same potential for intelligence and temperament, but it is our environment that shapes who we become. This explanation is very easy for me to believe.  Now we are discovering how scientists measure levels of intelligence.  

        Howard Gardner developed the theory that intelligence should be measured by 9 categories: Linguistic, logical-mathematical, spatial, musical, kinesthetic, interpersonal, intrapersonal, naturalistic and existential.  Every person is created with the potential to excel all of these categories, but there are major factors that prevent that from happening.  Not only does our environment effect our learning, but our genes that came together to form us from tiny cells can develop inaccurately.

        What about the fact that scientists have discovered that we only use 10% of our brains?  What is the other 90% doing, unused?  Is there a deeper level of intelligence, or awareness, that we have not even discovered yet?  This tells me there is even more untouched potential!  Take savants, for instance:  They may have limited mental skills, but are extremely talented in one or more domains (such as music and memory).  Do we not all have the potential to be as skilled or talented?  What are we truly lacking?  Is it nourishment?  I would really love to research more about the other 90%, and our potential for intelligence.  It is true that we all learn in different ways.  What if our schooling was catered individually to everyone in order for us to excel in all subjects--would we then tap into the other 90% of our brains?

...and Brains

Week 3-Identity Development

...and Brains

    "So, I wonder, how plastic is the brain?" asks Dr. Geraldine Dawson of the UW Seattle.  That is a wonderful question!  Our brains, the machines that form our identity, are so mold-able, and always changing as we develop.  In fact, it has been found that our brains go through a sort of "reorganization" every 2 years or so.  Dr. Robert Thatcher, neuroscientist at University of South Florida College of Medicine, discovered by reading electroencephalographs (EEG's) of adolescents and adults, that these changes seem to happen via waves of nerve growth that sweep across the cerebral hemispheres, revamping some of the brain's synaptic connections.  The cerebral hemispheres are responsible for rational thinking, creativity, decision making, etc.

    It would only make sense, as a physical explanation, that this is what happens when we mature.  This further ties in with the notion that some the less desirable behaviors can be "un-learned".  I am recently going through changes that I believe may very well stem from a "reorganization".  What I thought I wanted as a young adult is not true for me, now that I have actually experienced those very things.  I have learned from these experiences, and am adapting to new ideas and changes (reorganizing).  It is amazing to me--the many discoveries scientists are making today about our innate nature that many of our ancestors never understood.  

Behavioral Genetics and Postpartum Depression

Week 2; Chapters 2 & 3--The Study of Child Development 

Behavioral Genetics and Postpartum Depression

        Here we are, further speculating on my latest question in my last blog: "...where do genetics (our DNA) come into play with our behavior and personalities?"  This, lately, has been on the forefront of my mind because I have a son who has been diagnosed with ADHD and some early on-set ODD.  He is currently undergoing many different tests to determine which learning tools work best for him.

        The doctor he is seeing is considered a Neuropsychologist.  Upon first meeting with the doctor, she asked extensive family background questions.  This led me to believe that she is getting a sense of his, and our family's, behavioral genetics.  Behavioral genetics deals with inheritance of behavioral and psychological traits.  My family does have a history of depression and ADHD, so it's no surprise to me if this influenced my son's behavioral development.  

        So, we are seeing more and more now that our genetics can play a big role in how we develop mentally, but we also see a big influence from the environment we are raised in.  The next topic that touches home for me is Postpartum Depression.  I had an especially tough time several months after my son was born, trying to adjust to parenthood and realizing that life was not all about just me anymore.  

        One of the pieces of advice I received from others before birthing was, "When your child sleeps, you should sleep, too."  I did as those suggested, but found it extremely difficult when my son got a bit older (between the age of 1 and 2), and he didn't want to take a nap.  Well, mommy wanted to take a nap because she was exhausted!  So, when he didn't sleep, I would get angry and frustrated with him--feeling like this was an inconvenience to me somehow.  If I didn't vent my frustration on him, I would take it out on other members of my family.  Little did I know what this venting of frustration would do to him later on.  He watched my every move, and picked up on all of my habits.  Psychologists aren't joking when they say, "Children are like sponges--they absorb it all!"

        For two years I went un-diagnosed an untreated.  I did not think I was depressed at the time, but I see that now.  I, myself, now see a counselor to keep on top of my depression and learn new tools to deal with stress.  While all the meanwhile, I try to help "reprogram" my child's initial reactions to stress.  Behavioral Psychologists have found that, like the volume buttons on a TV controller, our learned behaviors can be turned up or turned down.  Just because we are "predisposed" to a certain genetic behavioral issue, doesn't mean it can control you.  With the proper tools to help one learn to cope with feelings and learning processes, it can be done.  I very much look forward to my son improving greatly in school and being successful later in life, thanks to modern psychology.  And, I look forward to having better relationships with those in my life.

Brofenbrenner, The Ecological Theory and Systems Approach

*Week 1, Chapter 1, The Study of Human Development

Brofenbrenner, The Ecological Theory and Systems Approach

    What a great chapter!  The study of human development is an endless discussion among many people and scientists.  One topic in particular that captivates me is, The Ecological and System Approach.  Over many centuries, there were developmental psychologists that would debate over what influenced a person's personality, growth and behavior over their lifetime.  One would argue that it was genetics, while another would say it all had to do with their social environment.  Eventually, the Biopsychosocial Framework was created that included four interactive forces of influence.  These included genetics and health related factors, internal cognitive capabilities, societal influences and adaptability to life events.

    

    Most developmental psychologists now agree that the environment plays an important role in our development as humans, though it was ecology theorists who focused on the details of the environment and their influences on human development.  Ecology theory states that the environment in which a person is raised is inseparable from our development as human beings.  Urie Bronfenbrenner, developmental psychologist, created a chart, called a "Chronosystem," that breaks down the environmental factors into four levels as shown below.

    Starting with the microsystem in the center, this involves those closest to you during your upbringing.  For example, your parents, siblings, and other family members.  Working our way outward of the circle, we next come to the mesosystem.  The mesosystem consists of others that you see often, but not in your immediate family; for example, your friends, and teachers.  Next is the exosystem which involves social settings that we may not experience firsthand, but play a role in our society such as governmental rules, our parents' places of employment and our parents' friends. Lastly, we are influenced by the macrosystem which includes our heritage, cultural influence and historical events.

    As humans, we are effected by all of these areas and they all shape who we are as individuals.  I strongly agree with this system because of what I have experienced growing up.  I believe my life experiences have shaped me into who I am.  Becoming a stepmother of three at the age of 21 made me mature a lot faster than others of my age group.  Moving out of my parents' house at the age of 18 made me a more independent person, but I also think the way my parents raised me also had to do with shaping me into an independent person.

    But, where do genetics (our DNA) come into play with our behavior and personalities?  A question I would have for the ecology theorists is, "Where would DNA fit into the chronosystem?"  Some psychologists believe that illnesses and learning disabilities, such as ADHD and OCD, are passed down genetically.  When a person has these diagnosis, it also plays a huge role in how they handle day-to-day life.  Why was this not included in the chart?  In my opinion, it would come first, labeled with the child in the center.